1. If your spouse comes through the door at the end of the day holding a bottle of your favorite soft drink for themselves and not one for you…it’s ok and not the end of the world. I saw this one not too long ago. This typically happens during young love when money is tight and buying a soft drink could be considered a frivolous expense. I’m trying to remember if I was ever like that…hmmm. Of course, words of encouragement for the next time your spouse forgets to bring you a soft drink helps too. 🙂
2. If your spouse runs to the end of the couch and looks out the picture window in despair when you’re discussing family finance issues, that’s not ok. You’ve got to talk about it no matter how painful it is. I saw this recently in a couple that had been together for a few years.
3. If your spouse lies in bed facing the wall in complete silence because your budget overrunneth, that’s not ok either. It’s ok to clam up for a while out of anger and frustration and tell your spouse you need to be alone for a bit, but ultimately you have to talk about it.
4. If your spouse comes home with a big ticket item (car, vacation home, having a pool installed, etc.) that you didn’t discuss and can’t really afford, that’s not too cool either.
5. If your spouse ends up in life making so much money they also end up controlling everything, demanding you do this and do that and have this ready and have that ready, etc. I’ve seen this in the past week. Fifty year olds, where one spouse makes millions and the other spouse raised the family while the other was away making millions. “It didn’t start this way. I don’t know what happened.” I’ve also seen in the last month, where the one spouse who makes millions, mows their own yard, cleans their own pool, organizes their own garage, makes sure their spouse has plenty of money in their checking account, etc. Two different pictures of wealth.
6. If your spouse flirts with younger folks in front of you in such a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or is complaining about you on an on-going basis. That not ok.
7. Failing to have a durable power of attorney for health care (typically free at any hospital) and a revocable living trust in place.
IMHO, all of the above have to do with…respect. One of the biggest attributes you can hold towards your spouse.
Well, I’m sure there’s more than seven, but I decided to stick with seven because one of my daughters is getting married tomorrow – 07/07/07, as well as a billion other folks around the world. It seems to be a popular date. I wish everyone the best and it will be fun to watch.